The Hidden Answers to What Makes You Happiest

"One's own self is well hidden from one's own self; of all mines of treasure, one's own is the last to be dug up." ~Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

A group of women, attending one of my first seminars ever, sat pouring over a list of values that I so cleverly provided for them in an effort to save time by showing them a vast amount of possibilities. The idea was to decide on what values and the accompanying emotional states of mind, were most important to them as a way of shaping their goals with what they really wanted most in life. HAAAA! The joke was on me. What I had done, thinking I was being ohh so helpful, was tantamount to what one of those restaurants with a 20 page menu does to it’s patrons; create too many choices resulting in anxiety over being asked to choose just a few of the enormous amount of tempting items.   After about 15 minutes of watching them highlight value after value, many of them redundant in underlying meaning, I decided to put a simple question out there that to my surprise resolved the issue immediately.

What emotional states would you most like to avoid in life?

Boom, boom, boom, the answers poured out in quick succession:

Humiliation, ostracism, disrespect, hate, fear, greed, manipulation, entrapment…

The list went on. After we defined what those avoidances looked like to them, we were able to reverse engineer what it was that they really wanted, what it was that really mattered to them. It was amazing and eye opening first to create the list (which surprisingly didn’t look much the same as the original long list of value states they had initially selected), then to recognize where all of the pieces fell into place throughout each of their lives.  Even more surprising still was further discovering how they internally prioritized each of those values when cross comparing them all side by side. Many of my attendees found that their initial top chosen value (as a state of being) was actually about 4th or lower on their list and other hidden emotional necessities lay closer to their top priorities.

If you were to create your list and take a good deep look at it, you may just notice that those top value states and their opposing avoidances have been the driving force for decisions you have made throughout your life considering that we naturally move away from pain and towards pleasure. How can you use this information? By cultivating all your innermost desires into an energizing purpose that pulls you and learning how to release the stuff you don’t need that used to be part of what got you to move just to avoid it.

(Excerpt from Happiness on Tap: How to Rock What You've Got in Life, 2012) 

Voldemort Voldemort Voldemort and the Projects that Have No Name

In J.K. Rowling’s book series, Harry Potter, there was a big mystery created around the villain character who’s name, no-one would mention out loud for fear that he would somehow sense it and come after them. The hero, Harry, was encouraged by his wizardly mentor, Dumbledore, to overcome his fear of the evil wizard by actually using the name regularly and prove by doing so, that it isn’t such a big deal.  So “he-who-must-not-be-named” went from an undefinable entity whose boundaries couldn’t even be seen, to become just “Voldemort,” the bad guy who could be disposed.

Undefinable entity= uncertainty, chaos, overwhelm…
Definable entity= knowledge, clarity, empowerment…

Do you have an undefinable entity in your life called “projects-that-have-no-name?”
A “to do” list unwritten grows to disproportionate sizes inside the mind causing feelings of overwhelm just from lack of visual definition just like our evil wizard in the movie. Avoid overwhelm by writing down your goals and turn on that mental light. Seeing the boundaries of what’s actually there will help you against the evils of uncertainty, chaos and overwhelm and arm you with the magic of knowledge, clarity and empowerment.

So if you haven’t written your goals down lately and are feeling a bit overwhelmed, now is a good time to start again.

You’ll thank you.

Brain Upgrade 2.0

Heather Meglasson “The Brilliance Coach”



Outgrowing The Initial Subconscious Agreements



Your subconscious mind was originally developed to help you survive physically, then emotionally, then mentally. Since it’s formation the subconscious mind has focused on three basic things:



1. Keeping you “safe” by having you repeat familiar recognizable situations and routines.


2. Saving you from perceived embarrassment based on personal trial and errors, external warnings or examples.


3. Being “right” by defending the internal agreements you have made or accepted throughout your life whether in times of success and happiness or times of challenge and fear.



Every agreement you’ve ever accepted, both positive, like deciding that stealing is wrong, or negative, like believing your friend was right when she said “you have a big nose” went into the initial formation of your subconscious mind before the age of 12. This formation also includes all the imprinting of problems and challenges you’ve ever had to face in your adolescence. Anything similar experienced now in adulthood, simply triggers the old responses or symptoms of these earlier events.


Now as an adult, though you have developed new tools for coping with success, happiness, challenges, fears…etc, your subconscious has slowed down in its ease of acceptance and ability to change. It still bases most of its mission to protect you, keep you from perceived embarrassment as well as uphold those originally established beliefs, values and agreements as right, on the 12 year old subconscious version of yourself. Therein lies the challenge. Now that it has passed the establishment phase of childhood, and changes slower than your new dreams and ambitions as an adult, how do you get past the purposeful contradiction you must create in the subconscious mind to affect positive change?


The mind, which is the intangible counterpart of its physical component, the brain, has been found to follow certain rules. The important rule to understand here is that opposing ideas cannot be held at one and the same time. If you were to preach honesty and practice dishonesty, the internal conflict carries physical penalties and negatively affects the nervous system. This is the subconscious’s way of telling you “Hey, you’ve agreed this is wrong. If you are confronted for choosing this conflicting behavior, it could result in embarrassment.” Ever get that knotted feeling in your gut when you’ve done something you were not proud of? That’s a direct message from your inner mind warning you that you gone off the agreed upon path.


Signs of Pushing Your Current Subconscious Boundaries


When today, you attempt to make a dramatic change in your life, you can recognize the efforts of your previously formed foundational subconscious support when it attempts to keep you in its traditional patterns. These patterns are recognized in (but not limited to) these types of sabotaging behaviors:


1. Procrastination

2. Successful completion of other difficult projects that are NOT in alignment with your new goals.

3. Distraction seems to come out of nowhere to try and refocus you on other “important” things.

4. Feelings of fear emerge, related to taking each step forward.

5. You experience feelings of fear from possibly succeeding and losing control in the new pace and new routines outlined by your goals.

When these annoying behavioral patterns happen, feel free to consider them growing pains, as they are the proof that you are now outgrowing the initial agreement formations in your subconscious mind.
THAT’S EXCELLENT!


Knowing that a foundational change needs to be made is the first step in replacing old patterns with new ones.


In effect you are upgrading your mind.

Thankful For Lemons

Today as my family of 14 gathered around the smoked
turkeyand traditional scrumptious holiday spread, we each
took a turn in giving thanks for family and health and
challenges we've triumphed.

The common thread in challenges this year seemed to all be
around troubled finances.

In almost 20 years of marriage this has been the tightest
year for my husband Paul and I but it has also been the
year with THE most change and promise. There's nothing
as powerful as self preservation to ignite the fires of
innovation and determination for success. When life hands
you lemons, make lemon meringue pie.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Love and Brilliance,

Heather Meglasson
The Brilliance Coach